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  He dropped his sword as Esa stared up at him, fear and tears shimmering in the moonlight.

  “I could have killed you! Why are you sneaking around?”

  “Forgive—” Her words split on a sob.

  “Do not cry,” he snapped. What if he had thrust his sword without thinking? By the gods, he might have killed her. Esa had not only worked into his heart but now affected his head. He had a duty to protect and he nearly failed in that duty.

  “I-I did not mean to—I was not sneaking…”

  More sobs and Alrek regretted his harsh words. “Be quiet now, Esa. You do not need to cry.” He cursed his inability to offer her the comfort she needed but he still felt too raw and open to take her into his arms. “You should be abed. It is too dangerous for you to be out at night.”

  “Yrsa was.”

  “Yrsa is not you.”

  “Neinn.” She sniffled. “Neinn, she is not. I suppose you shall have very brave and bold sons.”

  He let his brow furrow and crossed his arms. “Sons?”

  “Já. She said she would pray for them. I am sure you shall be blessed.”

  Had he pushed her too hard and hurt her head? What was the woman talking about? “What do you mean? I shall be having no sons.”

  “I do not understand, Yrsa said—”

  “Merely that she wishes me well.”

  “So you are not having a child with her?”

  Alrek released a mirthless laugh. “Neinn, I am not. I cannot bring sons into the world, Esa. You know that.”

  Esa gave a shuddering breath. “I thought…” She shook her head and peered at him. “You think because you are a few summers older and your leg gives you pain that you do not deserve such things? I am sure they shall bring you much joy.”

  “I cannot have sons, Esa,” he repeated. “How am I to protect them?”

  “You are a strong and valiant warrior.”

  “I should have died, Esa!” he snapped. These women telling him how wonderful he was brought bile to his throat. He knew better. “I should have gone to Valhalla. Instead I am left here with a weak leg and an aging body. Better to have died on the battlefield than to die here, slowly rotting of old age.”

  “Do not say that! We need you, Alrek. I-I need you. How could I have survived these years without you?”

  “Do you understand how it feels to be left behind? To be trapped with the women and children while the other men seek out new territory and bathe in the blood of their enemies.”

  “Trapped? I did not realise we were such a burden to you. I see now that our demands are too much.”

  The hurt in her expression made him regret his words. Indeed, usually he relished being looked to. Much of the time, it made him feel needed and worthy. If he could not fight, he could at least help their village thrive. But this day, being unable to claim the woman he loved made him regret bitterly that he had not died the day he received the blow to his leg. He suspected even the halls of Valhalla could not compare to being between Esa’s legs but he would surely favour it over the torture of having had her once while knowing he could not continue down that path.

  “I should never have asked you to lie with me,” she whispered.

  Pain stabbed his thumping heart. She regretted it. “Neinn, perhaps you should not have,” he answered coldly.

  Unshed tears shone in her eyes—eyes that pleaded with him for something, but he could not fathom what. Esa loved Rennir. He would never live up to such a man. But while she might regret their lovemaking, he could not.

  “Return home and rest, Esa. It is late.”

  She hesitated, thrust up her chin and spun on her heel. Alrek let out a deep, bone-weary sigh. Her shame hurt him, far more than the wound to his leg. How could he look on her again knowing she did not view their lovemaking as he did? How could he continue to watch the woman he loved from afar? If it weren’t for his duty to the village, he would leave, but even if she did not love him, Esa tied him here for he would never leave her to harm.

  Chapter Four

  After a sleepless night, Esa was glad to be distracted by Sibba, Rennir’s mother. The old woman had been sick for some time now and the women of the village all helped nurse her. Esa enjoyed her company and found that though her body failed her, her mind did not. Sibba had been a woman of great bravery in her time. Their settlement had been new and a nearby village thought them weak and easy prey. Tales of how Sibba had fought of many attackers were still told to the children. There had been little need for Esa to fight but she knew that if needs be, she could slice down a man. All the women of the village knew better than to depend wholly on a man.

  Once she had dreamed of being a bold warrior and fighting alongside the men. That part of her had died with Rennir. Now she longed to live a quiet life and raise many children. It seemed neither dream would come true. No man had interested her since Rennir with the exception of Alrek and few approached her. None wished to live in the shadow of Rennir. Not even Alrek it seemed. Or mayhap he did not care for her as she did him. Though she knew Alrek had not touched her before out of respect for Rennir, she had not realised his hurts sat so deeply.

  He wished for death! Oh, how that hurt. To think of never seeing Alrek again caused her physical pain. But to look on him again would also break her heart. It would not be long until she had to face him but the shelter of Sibba’s hut provided her some respite. His callous words still lingered in her mind. Their time together had meant so much. She could not even bring herself to feel guilty for it. Rennir was long dead and she needed to move forward. Alrek’s loving had awakened a part of her that had been hidden for so long. A small part of a warrior remained in her and it wanted to love and be loved again.

  Sibba greeted her with a small smile and motioned for her to sit.

  “I have brought you some herbs and bread.” Esa lifted her basket and put it to one side before taking a seat. Sibba reached out and Esa took her hand, cradling the cold, bony fingers in her own.

  “How are you, Esa?”

  “I am well, móðir.”

  “You look tired.”

  “I did not sleep well.”

  “Yrsa says Alrek visited with you.”

  Esa narrowed her eyes at the woman. Trust Yrsa to be speaking of their time together. Did she speak out of jealousy? Yrsa had not seemed territorial over Alrek and she considered her a good woman, not the kind to speak out of anger.

  “He fixed my roof.”

  “Yrsa said you are lovers.”

  “Yrsa has said a lot,” Esa replied tightly.

  “She speaks out of kindness, Esa.” The old woman gave a gappy smile. “As do I.”

  “What kindness is this? Talking of my personal matters?”

  “I am old and wise. Yrsa is young and destined to take my place one day. We see much and understand more. You, my dear, are not blessed with such understanding. Alrek turned Yrsa away. It was then we knew that he had come to realise something we have all thought for a long time. Alrek loves you.”

  “Loves me?” Esa spluttered. “But what of Rennir?”

  “What of him? I miss him more with each passing day but I know he is where he belongs in the halls of Valhalla and he would not wish you to live such a life. Rennir embraced life.”

  “He did,” Esa agreed.

  “And he would want the same for you. Become his warrior woman once more and take Alrek as your man. Fight for his love.”

  “I do not think he really loves me. He was angered after our time together.”

  “Alrek harbours many hurts.” Asla squeezed her hand. “As do you. You have suffered your grief for Rennir together but you need to let each other heal. Be bold. Do not let him hide behind his wound or his duty. I give you my blessing, child, as Rennir’s mother. I share his blood and I tell you this is what he would have wanted. There was no man he trusted more than Alrek. You just need to convince Alrek he is worthy.”

  Esa blinked, trying to absorb all she had said. “But how do I do suc
h a thing?”

  “You will think of something, Esa. You may not be wise but you are smart and courageous.”

  ***

  When Alrek returned to his hut that night, he bit back a groan at the sight of an orange glow seeping from the wood. Someone had lit a fire. It couldn’t be Yrsa. The woman had discovered his deeply buried secrets somehow so it had to be another woman seeking pleasure. How could he bed another when he knew how sweet and tight Esa’s heat was? None would compare.

  He pushed open the door and readied himself for confrontation. Instead he found Esa kneeling before him, naked and golden in the light of the fire. She kept her head dropped, her thighs slightly parted. She shivered as he stood in front of her. Lust rolled through him at the sight of those thrust out breasts and slender thighs. He recalled how wet and delicious she’d been between them. The fragrance of her arousal teased his senses.

  “Esa, what are you doing?” He slammed shut the door.

  “I am offering myself to you.” The slight tremor of her voice gave away her nervousness.

  “Offering? What do you mean?”

  She lifted her head and met his gaze. “You are the boldest warrior in the village, Alrek, and I am offering myself fully to you. My heart and my body. You can do with me as you wish.”

  Her offer staggered him. He was used to women coming to him but it was about their pleasure for the most part. He always gave. Pleasure, protection, aid. Now Esa offered herself up to him. What did it mean? Her heart? Did she love him? While Esa had grown quieter after Rennir’s death, he still saw the spark of a Viking warrior in her. For a Viking woman to put herself on her knees for a man was unheard of. But part of him wondered if that was not a greater show of strength than wielding a sword.

  “Esa, I do not deserve this.”

  “You do, Alrek. You work harder than any other man here. We depend on you and you never fail us. Our village thrives thanks to you. I am being selfish in taking you from the other women, but I must, for I love you, Alrek.”

  “You love Rennir.”

  “I do.” Her gaze softened. “I always will. But you do not have to take his place, Alrek. Am I not a caring woman? There is room in my heart for both of you. You have proved yourself worthy over and over again and now it is up to me to prove my worth for you.”

  “Esa—”

  She trembled. “Will you not take what is offered?”

  His mind raged, fighting a battle with itself. She loved him. And thought him worthy. But he still could not believe it. How could he be worthy of this goddess in front of him? He gritted his jaw. She parted her legs further, displaying her vulnerability.

  “I can deny you nothing, Esa.” He wrapped his hands around her arms and drew her to her feet.

  “I wish for you to take this night, Alrek. Take and do not give. You are too generous a lover and you deserve so much. I am here for your pleasure and your pleasure alone.”

  “I do not see how it is possible I could deserve such a gift.”

  “Think on all you do, Alrek. Think on what you offer the people here. You deserve more than a simple woman such as myself but I think you love me and so you must have me, the woman you love, instead of all the riches you are due.”

  “I do love you.” The words came out fragile.

  Her shoulders sagged and she flung her arms around his neck. “Then take me, my warrior. Take me and make me yours.”

  He plundered her mouth then, scooping her feminine form to him. His fingers found the dampness between her thighs and he spread her arse cheeks to dip deeper. All thoughts of anything but skin and sex and love dispersed. Her soft breasts rubbed his chest and her hands scrabbled across him. He intended to take everything he offered and more, but not without ensuring she screamed his name to the rafters.

  Alrek snatched her into his hold and pressed her up against the wall. He planned to do much to Esa but for now, he needed to take her and stake his claim before she changed her mind. With one swift thrust, he invaded her hot cunt. She cried his name and scattered kisses across his face. He bit her neck and the crook of her shoulder, he marked her, sucking her pale skin.

  Against the wood, he took her hard and fast. She raked her nails over his shoulders as he mindlessly pounded into her sheath. Years of watching her from afar, of looking and never touching, poured into his movements. As her pussy pulsed around him and she pleaded to the gods, he began to splinter. They came together in a rush and Alrek did something he had never done before—he spilled inside of her. In a hot haze of pleasure, he filled her deep and grated out her name.

  He stilled and rested his forehead on hers while they gathered their breath. Still buried inside her, he suspected he had found Valhalla in Esa’s arms.

  “I love you, Alrek.”

  “And I you, Esa.”

  ***

  Esa stretched leisurely and eyed the sleeping warrior next to her. Her back twinged at having being so mercilessly fucked against the wall, but she did not care. Even her shoulder ached from where he bit and sucked her skin. The marks made her smile. Alrek—giving, dutiful Alrek—had lost control in her arms. He had taken for himself and confessed his love for her. She could not regret a single moment. She felt alive again, for the first time in years. Sibba had been right. Rennir would never have wanted her to live wrapped in her grief. He had been the kind of man to embrace life—and love.

  The door rattled and Esa scowled. The sun had not even risen properly. Only a grey light seeped into the hut and no doubt most of the villagers were aware of Esa having visited with Alrek. If Yrsa and Sibba had anything to do with it, everyone knew Alrek and Esa were bound together by love by now.

  The door rattled again so she snatched a fur and wrapped it around her. It couldn’t be an attack, no alarm had gone up. She opened the door to see a wide-eyed Yrsa. With her unbound hair and harried look, she gave Esa cause to let her frown deepen.

  “What is it, Yrsa?”

  “Esa… I… you must return home.”

  “What is this?” she hissed, wary of waking Alrek. He had made love to her several more times during the night and was no doubt as exhausted as she. “Are you jealous, Yrsa?”

  Yrsa shook her head and pursed her lips. “Neinn, I would not be so selfish. Alrek’s happiness surely takes precedence over my simple needs, as does yours, Esa. We have always been good friends, have we not?”

  “Já, you are right. Forgive me. I speak with the tongue of a jealous lover.”

  “You have no need for that, but please, you must return.”

  “Will you not tell me what is going on?” Yrsa audibly gulped and it was only then that Esa noticed many of the villagers were awake and scurrying back and forth in preparation for something. “Are we in danger?”

  “Neinn, but you cannot stay here. It… it is some of the men from the expedition. They have returned.”

  Esa’s heart bounded against her chest. Sickness churned in her stomach. The day for which she had been praying for so long was upon them. The same day she had taken a new lover and admitted her devotion to another.

  “Anlaf?”

  Yrsa shook her head. “Neinn, he was not with them.”

  “A-and Rennir?”

  “Já.”

  Her head swam. Rennir was alive? What had kept him away for so long? And what could she do about Alrek? Tears threatened to close her throat. She loved him. How could she return to Rennir now? But the love she held for her husband beat heavily in her chest still and she was bound to him. She would have to do her duty and return.

  “Thank you, Yrsa,” she murmured huskily.

  “Hurry now, Esa. They are in the hall but he shall return in a moment and be expecting you in his bed.”

  Esa nodded and closed the door gently. She dressed and stole one last look at the sleeping man, sorrow trapped deep in her breast. He would understand why she had to return but this would open up all his wounds once more. No matter how much she had convinced him he was worthy, it would all be undone with Renni
r’s return.

  She finger combed her hair and tried to tie it neatly. Tears threatened to spill out but she kept them in check. Crying would do her no good. Though her own heart hurt at the thought of never lying or loving with Alrek again, it was the pain it might cause him that truly crippled her.

  “I love you, Alrek,” she whispered before she left.

  She hurried back to her hut, relieved to find Rennir had not returned home yet. She crawled into bed, nerves eating into her. He might question her state of dress but her fingers shook too much to remove them. What would he look like? Would he be the same man? And why had he left her alone all these years? Indignation filled her. If it had not been for him, she would never have considered loving Alrek. Rennir’s disappearance had forced them together and now she had been unfaithful to her husband and had hurt her lover.

  The door creaked open and Esa feigned sleep, unwilling to face him yet. Would he see the truth? Know her for the woman she was now? If he found out about Alrek, he too would suffer if he still loved her as he had done.

  Furs rustled and the bed shifted. A familiar smell surrounded her and a strong body slid in beside her. She sobbed, unable to hold it back, as arms wrapped around her stomach and drew her into him.

  “You’re back.”

  “Já, my Esa. I am back.”

  She rolled and gazed up at the man she thought she’d never see again. Creases lined his eyes and tiny silver threads twined through his beard but it was definitely Rennir. The twinkle of mirth remained in his eyes, that bright spark that attracted everyone to him. Another sob bubbled out of her.

  “Do not cry,” he soothed and stroked a hand across her cheek.

  “I thought you were dead.”

  “As did I. Without you, I might as well have been. For too long my heart has been empty. To think of you alone crushed me.”

  “W-what happened?”

  “Our ship wrecked on a small island. No one lived there save from a few wolves. We awaited rescue but none came.”

  She shook her head. “We sent out ships but found no sign of you.”